Storm

Storm

By J♡

She felt as though

She was falling apart

As the thunder rumbled

The tempo slowed

Within her heart

Clouds pulled together

Her worries drifted apart

As the sky darkened

Her eyes lit up

Her spirit came alive

When lightning struck

As rain poured down

Her tears stopped flowing

During the storm

Her spirit was glowing


Thank you for reading.

Image credit: Pixabay

With love,

J♡

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32 Random Facts About Me to Celebrate Turning 32

  1. I was born and raised in Arizona. Well there were a couple years soon after I was born, that we lived in Ohio. I was too little to remember those times though.
  2. I still live in Arizona. I wish to live somewhere where there is more green and the leaves change with the seasons.
  3. I only like using the small utensils. I can’t stand having to use the big fork or spoon to eat.
  4. My first job was at the movie theatre when I was 16.
  5. I’m almost always cold. Yes, I’m that weirdo that will curl up in a blanket when it’s a hundred degrees outside, because the air conditioning and fan inside are too cold.
  6. I am 5′ 1/4″ short…maybe a smidgen taller since my spinal fusions.
  7. I swear a lot. I try to keep it clean in my posts.
  8. My first car was a Dodge Intrepid.
  9. I currently drive a Toyota Rav4. I absolutely love it.
  10. My biggest pet peeve is when people chew with their mouth open.
  11. I may or may not be addicted to Dr. Pepper and coffee. Okay okay, I definitely am.
  12. I’ve had braces twice. Wear your retainers, kids.
  13. Springtime gives me anxiety.
  14. I’m a big procrastinator, but I’m working on this.
  15. I always seem to be fashionably late. Oops. Working on this as well.
  16. I don’t like clowns.
  17. It freaks me out to make eye contact for too long.
  18. I don’t like the word navel. I don’t know why.
  19. I have had dreams or thoughts about something bad happening before it does.
  20. The first real party I went to wasn’t until I was 20.
  21. I like to read.
  22. The more dreary the weather, the happier I am.
  23. I am one of the most clumsy people I know.
  24. My favorite genre of movie is psychological thriller.
  25. I enjoy watching documentaries.
  26. I still enjoy putting glue all over my hands, letting it dry, and peeling it off.
  27. I always look at objects wondering what I can craft with them.
  28. I love the smell of the pages in a new book.
  29. I’m very picky about my paper…no creases, tears, or marks, unless it is from me.
  30. I feel like I was born in the wrong time.
  31. Listening to Frank Sinatra makes me happy.
  32. I am so thrilled that I decided to take a leap and start blogging. Writing has become a wonderful outlet for me and meeting all of you has been amazing.

Is there anything you want to know? Just ask 😆

Happy weekend, everyone!

With love,

J♡

Not Again…Failing as a Parent

Grrrr and a whole jar full of swear words! I did it again. I slept through the 6 alarms on my phone, the big alarm clock in the bedroom, and both the kiddos’ alarms. My daughter opened my bedroom door at 7:45 (the time we should be walking out the door) and told me the time. I frantically jumped out of bed and went to wake up my son. I was telling both of them “don’t panick, but hurry and get ready”, while trying to hide the fact that I was panicking.

We made it to school just before the second bell rang. There were about 8 other cars in front of us in the drop off lane outside the office. I watched my kiddos get through the front door, but I don’t know if they made through the next doors without having to get a tardy pass.

I feel like I am totally failing as a parent this school year. I remember, I used to wake up around 5:30 each day, despite how late I would go to bed. Now, it doesn’t seem to matter how much sleep I get; I struggle to wake up. I know part of it has to do with my medication that I talked about here, and hopefully I can get that straightened out when I see the physician on Friday.

It is just so frustrating. I feel like I am letting my kids down, jeopardizing their academic success, and causing them unnecessary stress. I’m sorry kiddos; Mommy will get it together soon, I hope.


Wishing you all a stress-free day.

With love,

J♡

Pill Bottle Fort

I kind of feel like building a fort out of all the empty pill bottles I’ve hoarded, and staying in there all day with a nice cozy blanket. My mood is meh, I woke up with a migraine, and fibro is being a bully…waaaah 😢.

The ones that decorated the top of the fridge

Since this is not realistic, I will push through and clean/organize the house instead today. I suppose I’ll finally get rid of the empty bottles too.

I wish I were a sloth.

Take care, friends.

With love,

J♡

Skipped Doses

I’m struggling these last couple days. I kind of knew it would happen, but was hoping it wouldn’t. I’m now sitting in that uncomfortable place of just existing and randomly bursting into tears and just a splash of irritability. Ugh, I know better than to skip my nightly dose of Duloxetine (antidepressant). At least this time around it was for a good reason…well, sort of.

I only take it at night because it makes me drowsy and I already struggle with fatigue. I’ve noticed more and more lately, that when I take it any later than 7pm, I have a more difficult time waking up in the morning. On Sunday night, I accidentally missed my dose, but I woke up on time and got the kids ready and to school on time. Monday night and Tuesday morning, the same thing. Tuesday night, I took my dose late in the evening and Wednesday I slept through 10 alarms making the kids late for school. I do not want to be the reason that my kids have an excessive amount of tardiness at school, so Wednesday and Thursday, when I lost track of time and missed my 7:00pm dose, I skipped it altogether. I’m paying for it now, but at least the kids made it to school on time.

I am hopeful that next week will go much smoother and I will have my sh*t together. In the meantime, I’m so glad the weekend is here.

Thanks for letting me vent. I hope you all have a great weekend.

With love,

J♡

Have You Seen my Brain?

I think my brain may have gone on vacation and left me behind.

I have been putting leftovers that should be refrigerated into the pantry. I have gotten out of my car to go in the store, forgetting to turn off the the engine and take my keys. I search for things that are right in front of me. I completely space names that I know.

Then there’s forgetting the answer to a question in thirty seconds.Here’s a cheesy little something I wrote a while back, to demonstrate:

I’m going to the kitchen
Would you like something to drink Yes please, lemonade
Make it pink
Ok, here’s your sandwich
Do you want it in half
Wait what sandwich
I only wanted a drink
Darn I’ve already put the knife in the sink
What did you say you wanted for snack
And would you like milk
Or juice with that
No thank you mommy
I only wanted a drink
Only lemonade please
Make it pink

Should you happen to spot my brain roaming around, doing some sightseeing or something, kindly ask it to return home please. I could really use it’s company. Thanks in advance!

With love,

J♡

2019

I must say that January is off to an interesting start. Back in October, just a week before my surgery, I developed a hoarseness in my voice and a cough. Wanting to make sure I was good to go for surgery day, I made a visit to urgent care just a couple days prior to. I was diagnosed with a nasty sinus infection and given antibiotics. That sinus infection cleared up and I had another one in December, which has also cleared up. Guess what? Still have a hoarse voice and cough and now a stupid rash on my upper body. Can a gal catch a break please? Between this and depression, anxiety and fibromyalgia, I feel like a complete mess right now. The new ailments feed the anxiety, the anxiety feeds the fibro, the fibro feeds the depression…yada yada yada. It’s a vicious little circle.

Yesterday, I felt my anxiety level was heightened without knowing why. I ended up having a “psychogenic movement attack” (I’ll talk more about these another time). Basically what happened is that my upper body tensed up causing me to move in ways I didn’t want to. My neck tightened and wrenched my head sideways, my arms went above my head, my hands were clenched in fists, and tears streamed down my face. I thank God that my husband hadn’t left for work yet, as he knows how to calm me and bring me back from this hell. Though the attack didn’t last long, it was enough to leave me feeling wiped out. I’m happy to say that by the end of the night I was able to go to one of my happy places – my sewing table. That’s when something cute happened that really lifted my mood.

I’ve been making bags/purses and my eight year old daughter is probably the biggest fan of my work. I had just finished a new purse that she really loved, a couple nights before.

She told me last night that she was going to find a way to get $30 (the value she determined) to pay me for this purse. A short while later she walked up and said to me “Mommy, I got a little somethin’ somethin’ for yaaaa”, as she slid a folded up $1 bill on top of the purse. The amount of cuteness in her words, tone and facial expression was almost enough to make me cave. Now with school just starting back this morning, I maaaaay have bribed her instead. I told her I didn’t want her money, but if she could prove to me that she could get ready for bed and stay in bed without calling Mommy in a hundred times, the purse was hers in the morning. Guess who’s got a brand new purse today?!

Today was overall pretty good. Pain and everything else were at a manageable level. As a huge bonus, my husband had the day off, so the four of us got to spend some quality time together. Here’s to hoping tomorrow will be a good day as well.

Thanks for reading my ramblings. 😊

With love,

J♡