Grrrr and a whole jar full of swear words! I did it again. I slept through the 6 alarms on my phone, the big alarm clock in the bedroom, and both the kiddos’ alarms. My daughter opened my bedroom door at 7:45 (the time we should be walking out the door) and told me the time. I frantically jumped out of bed and went to wake up my son. I was telling both of them “don’t panick, but hurry and get ready”, while trying to hide the fact that I was panicking.
We made it to school just before the second bell rang. There were about 8 other cars in front of us in the drop off lane outside the office. I watched my kiddos get through the front door, but I don’t know if they made through the next doors without having to get a tardy pass.
I feel like I am totally failing as a parent this school year. I remember, I used to wake up around 5:30 each day, despite how late I would go to bed. Now, it doesn’t seem to matter how much sleep I get; I struggle to wake up. I know part of it has to do with my medication that I talked about here, and hopefully I can get that straightened out when I see the physician on Friday.
It is just so frustrating. I feel like I am letting my kids down, jeopardizing their academic success, and causing them unnecessary stress. I’m sorry kiddos; Mommy will get it together soon, I hope.
I kind of feel like building a fort out of all the empty pill bottles I’ve hoarded, and staying in there all day with a nice cozy blanket. My mood is meh, I woke up with a migraine, and fibro is being a bully…waaaah 😢.
Since this is not realistic, I will push through and clean/organize the house instead today. I suppose I’ll finally get rid of the empty bottles too.
I’m struggling these last couple days. I kind of knew it would happen, but was hoping it wouldn’t. I’m now sitting in that uncomfortable place of just existing and randomly bursting into tears and just a splash of irritability. Ugh, I know better than to skip my nightly dose of Duloxetine (antidepressant). At least this time around it was for a good reason…well, sort of.
I only take it at night because it makes me drowsy and I already struggle with fatigue. I’ve noticed more and more lately, that when I take it any later than 7pm, I have a more difficult time waking up in the morning. On Sunday night, I accidentally missed my dose, but I woke up on time and got the kids ready and to school on time. Monday night and Tuesday morning, the same thing. Tuesday night, I took my dose late in the evening and Wednesday I slept through 10 alarms making the kids late for school. I do not want to be the reason that my kids have an excessive amount of tardiness at school, so Wednesday and Thursday, when I lost track of time and missed my 7:00pm dose, I skipped it altogether. I’m paying for it now, but at least the kids made it to school on time.
I am hopeful that next week will go much smoother and I will have my sh*t together. In the meantime, I’m so glad the weekend is here.
Thanks for letting me vent. I hope you all have a great weekend.
I think my brain may have gone on vacation and left me behind.
I have been putting leftovers that should be refrigerated into the pantry. I have gotten out of my car to go in the store, forgetting to turn off the the engine and take my keys. I search for things that are right in front of me. I completely space names that I know.
Then there’s forgetting the answer to a question in thirty seconds.Here’s a cheesy little something I wrote a while back, to demonstrate:
I’m going to the kitchen
Would you like something to drink Yes please, lemonade
Make it pink
Ok, here’s your sandwich
Do you want it in half
Wait what sandwich
I only wanted a drink
Darn I’ve already put the knife in the sink
What did you say you wanted for snack
And would you like milk
Or juice with that
No thank you mommy
I only wanted a drink
Only lemonade please
Make it pink
Should you happen to spot my brain roaming around, doing some sightseeing or something, kindly ask it to return home please. I could really use it’s company. Thanks in advance!
I must say that January is off to an interesting start. Back in October, just a week before my surgery, I developed a hoarseness in my voice and a cough. Wanting to make sure I was good to go for surgery day, I made a visit to urgent care just a couple days prior to. I was diagnosed with a nasty sinus infection and given antibiotics. That sinus infection cleared up and I had another one in December, which has also cleared up. Guess what? Still have a hoarse voice and cough and now a stupid rash on my upper body. Can a gal catch a break please? Between this and depression, anxiety and fibromyalgia, I feel like a complete mess right now. The new ailments feed the anxiety, the anxiety feeds the fibro, the fibro feeds the depression…yada yada yada. It’s a vicious little circle.
Yesterday, I felt my anxiety level was heightened without knowing why. I ended up having a “psychogenic movement attack” (I’ll talk more about these another time). Basically what happened is that my upper body tensed up causing me to move in ways I didn’t want to. My neck tightened and wrenched my head sideways, my arms went above my head, my hands were clenched in fists, and tears streamed down my face. I thank God that my husband hadn’t left for work yet, as he knows how to calm me and bring me back from this hell. Though the attack didn’t last long, it was enough to leave me feeling wiped out. I’m happy to say that by the end of the night I was able to go to one of my happy places – my sewing table. That’s when something cute happened that really lifted my mood.
I’ve been making bags/purses and my eight year old daughter is probably the biggest fan of my work. I had just finished a new purse that she really loved, a couple nights before.
She told me last night that she was going to find a way to get $30 (the value she determined) to pay me for this purse. A short while later she walked up and said to me “Mommy, I got a little somethin’ somethin’ for yaaaa”, as she slid a folded up $1 bill on top of the purse. The amount of cuteness in her words, tone and facial expression was almost enough to make me cave. Now with school just starting back this morning, I maaaaay have bribed her instead. I told her I didn’t want her money, but if she could prove to me that she could get ready for bed and stay in bed without calling Mommy in a hundred times, the purse was hers in the morning. Guess who’s got a brand new purse today?!
Today was overall pretty good. Pain and everything else were at a manageable level. As a huge bonus, my husband had the day off, so the four of us got to spend some quality time together. Here’s to hoping tomorrow will be a good day as well.
2019 is just under three hours away and I’ve spent roughly the last 45 minutes cleaning house. Why? Not because we’re having company over or anything like that. I just feel like I want to start the new year without the added stress of house work. A clean slate if you will. I’m going to try and be more organized in 2019, though I’m not labeling this a resolution, because I tend to break those every year.
Tonight, we will spend a quiet evening just the four of us and our dogs. Well, maybe not the quiet part, as the fireworks have been off and on for hours despite the rain. Our lab/retriever can’t stand them and insists on growling or barking at every one of them. Maybe one day she’ll figure out that it doesn’t do any good. Then again, she still hasn’t figured out that biting my vacuum cleaner doesn’t make it turn off. Oh well, she’s a good girl and we love her. As for the little pup, he’s a Maltese mix and will probably hide under a bed or table; everything scares him, poor thing. I can’t say I don’t feel the same at times, but I don’t fit in either of those places.
Well the fireworks seem to be getting louder, so off I go to explain them to my dog like she knows what I’m talking about.
What a way to end 2018 and bring in the New Year! Thank you so much, to all of you who take time out of your busy lives to read, like and comment on my blog! You all are amazing! I’m so happy I decided to begin this new journey in life. 😊 I wish you all a very Happy New Year!